Finding Love Through The Pain
by stephaflea
Summary: John lends Teyla a hand as they prepared for the memorial, but who ends up helping who. Major Spoilers for Sunday so please if you don't wont to know what happens in the episode ... don't read.


Title: Finding Love Through The Pain  
Author: Flea  
Date 31.01.07  
Part: 1/1  
Rating: G

Pairing: J/T  
Characters: John and Teyla  
Genre: Romance/Missing Scene  
Word Count: 3316  
Archiving: only here and on fan fiction net  
Warnings- Character death  
Spoilers: Major Spoilers for 'Sunday' if you haven't seem the episode and don't want to know what happens I suggest you don't read this fic.

Disclaimers: No copyright infringement is intended. All characters belong to MGM I'm only borrowing them for my own personal enjoyment.

Summary: John lends Teyla a hand as they prepared for the memorial, but who ends up helping who.

Missing scene from 'SUNDAY', after watching the episode again I wondered what could have happened after Teyla and John left the infirmary before they arrived at the memorial. Here is my take on the events which could have take place.

**Finding Love Through The Pain**

The time it took them to reach Teyla's quarters was a lot longer than John had expected, which just seemed to emphasize just how badly she had been hurt. Teyla was a strong woman, no one would say others wise but this time even she was unable to hide the pain which she was obviously feeling.

Though what worried John the most was the fact that he couldn't tell which was hurting her more; the physical pain or emotional.

Just two days ago Teyla had received major surgery to move a large piece of metal which had been protruding out of her side, the metal having been imbedded there by a rather large and very sudden explosion.

If it hadn't been for Carson ... John swallowed hard at the thought of his friend. If it hadn't been for Carson, Teyla would surely be dead right now having bled to death in the corridor.

John could still remember the image of her lying on the stretcher begin taken away to the infirmary; the blood which soaked the bandages, her pale skin. Teyla had hardly been conscious as they rushed her away.

He could remember how worried he'd felt, the panic that filled him when Carson refused to comment on if she'd make it or not.

Slowly they walked John's arms firmly around her making sure she didn't fall. Teyla was beginning to tire. John could tell as her movements had become even slower than before, her muscles tensed under his finger at the pain she felt with each step. John could feel Teyla's heart beating rapidly in her chest; breathing becoming ragged as she tried to hold on just a little longer.

Hours seemed to have passed since he'd found her attempting to leave the infirmary her mind set of attending the memorial service, when the truth was it had only be about 15 minutes. He felt Teyla's legs give away underneath her as a gasp escaped her lips; John wasn't sure if it was due to surprise or pain. His hands tighten their hold around her waist careful not to put too much pressure of her wound.

"Are you ok?" he asked his voice barely above a whisper as they both stood still their arms holding on tightly to each other for support.

"I am fine." John knew she was lying he could tell by the look which flashed across her face. "It is not much further."

Think your be able to make it?" he asked already knowing what her answer would be.

"I will." but her voice held little confidence.

"Yeah!" John replied not convince by her words. Slowly he lend down placing one of his arms behind her knees and gently to cause as little pain as possible he lifted Teyla up, holding her close to his body.

John knew on a normal day she'd protest not wanting to show any sign of weakness but today wasn't a normal day.

Teyla's arms went around his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder. Happy that she wasn't going to make any form of a struggle John continued down the corridor towards her quarters not caring what any one thought when they saw them, all John cared about was getting Teyla to her room before she passed out.

With John now carrying her, the rest of the distance pasted quickly and it wasn't long before John stood outside her quarters. Palming the signal John watched as the doors slid fully open before moving into the room heading straight for Teyla's bed.

As gently as he could John set Teyla down on her bed hearing her wince with pain as he did so.

"Sorry" he whispered his hands lingering on her body a little longer than they needed to, unwilling to let go until he knew she was ok.

Teyla could feel the softness of her bed underneath as John laid her gently down, pain shot through her side and she was unable to retain the slight cry which escaped her lips.

"Sorry" she heard him whisper softy in her ear, he's breathe tickling her neck. Teyla took comfort in the last few moments of warmth from his body before he moved away, taking a seat next to her on the bed.

The journey to her quarters had been painful, she hadn't moved from the infirmary bed for 2 days and now she was shattered. She wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep with John by her side, but she knew it was impossible.

Carson's memorial was due to start in little over an hour and Teyla had less time to get ready than she had hoped for.

Carson's memorial ... it was hard to believe that one of her dearest friends was gone. Teyla was never going to see him again ... his smile, hear his voice. He had saved her life on so many different occasions the latest being 2 days ago when he removed a stray bit of metal sticking out from her side.

As she was laying there the force of the exposition having knocked her off her feet, Teyla had believed that would be her end.

She could remember the pain which she had been in and could feel herself bleeding, being too weak to do anything about it. Teyla remembered how blackness had taken over her remembering nothing else until the movement from being carried had caused her to awaken.

Teyla was sure she had heard John's voice but the memories were too blurred in her mind to be sure. One thing Teyla was positive about was Carson ... he had been there with her, taking her hand as they rushed towards the infirmary. She could remember his comforting words telling her everything was going to be alright, that he was going to fix everything; and he did.

Teyla owed her life to him but now she had no way of repaying the debt.

Teyla felt tears form in her eyes from the pain, not the physical pain; that she could handle. But the pain in her heart at the lost of a great friend that was a pain which Teyla was hiding hard to deal with.

John must have noticed for at that very second his placed an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. Teyla was glad he was there ... unsure if she'd be able to cope without him.

"Its ok ..." he soothed but his word were unable able to stop the tears which began to fall.

"It is not ok" she cried turning towards him burying her face into his chest as the tears fell.

They sat like that for a long time as Teyla lost what little control she had over her emotions. John sat beside her his arms firming holding her to him, one hand softly stroking her hair as she whispered words of comfort in her ear..

Teyla didn't know how long it was before her tears stopped and her breathing began to return to normal. Lifting her head her eyes locked with John's; suddenly feeling embarrassed at showing such weakness.

"I am sorry." she whispered trying to pull away from his embrace. John was having none of it and Teyla felt his arms tighten his hold on her even more.

"There nothing to be sorry about Teyla." his words having little comfort.

John held on to her as tight as he dared, wanting to help as much as he could but not knowing what to say or do. He was never good a things like this, normally his way of coping was to distant himself till the worst part was over.

But seeing Teyla like this; looking so helpless, so broken; all John wanted to do was hold her till everything had passed and things were back to normal. Or at least as normal as they could be with out ... John swallowed hard again still not wanted to admit that Carson was gone.

Now was not the time to break down he told himself, taking a deep breath holding in his own emotional pain. He needed to be strong at the memorial, to put a brave face on as they took Carson body back to earth.

He needed to be strong for Teyla.

"I have made your uniform wet." Teyla's words snapping him out of his thoughts. Glancing down he saw what she meant, in the centre of his chest was a wet patch caused by Teyla's tears.

"It nothing to worry about." he soothed gently running his hand through her hair their eyes locking. John could see reflected in their depths a huge amount of pain; she was hurting inside, and John had no doubt that Teyla could see the exact same thing in his.

"Are you going to be ok ..." John asked "I could stay if you wanted." Teyla offered him a small smile obviously trying to be brave. John wished he could just tell her that she didn't have to be, that it was ok to let things out; he would be there for her.

"I will be fine. Thank you for..." But Teyla seemed unable to finish. John understanding complete took hold of her hands giving them a small squeeze before he stood to leave.

He walked away from the bed, away from Teyla his heart protesting with the actions of his body. As he reached the door John turned around his heart dropping at the sight he saw.

Teyla sat on her bed still in the white infirmary gown, its harshness taking away what little colour she had.

John noticed she had managed to shift alone the bed slightly, trying to reach for her clothing which rested a few feet away. One of her hands held firmly to her side, John could see the pain she was in just by the look on her face.

He felt his heart breaking ... there was no way he was going to leave Teyla not like this.

Walking back over towards her he picked up the clothes she was trying to reach before once again taking the seat next to her. Careful he held her top in his hands slowly unlacing the back, wondering to himself how she ever managed to get these on all by her self.

He could feel Teyla eyes on him but refused to look up, focusing on the task at hand.

Once the top had been completely unlaced he placed it gently on the bed beside them before turning to face Teyla. Their eyes locking, John searching for approval for what he was about to do.

Bring his hands slowly up towards her chest John began undoing the buttons down the front of the shirt, his eyes never once leaving Teyla's. John saw no embarrassment now; there was only understanding and love.

John felt his hands falter needing to pull his eyes from hers to concentrate on what he was doing. His heart was racing rapidly in his chest and John could feel his palms sweating.

Since Teyla's close call John was finding it hard to deny his feeling for her, and the longer Teyla looked at him like that the more likely he was going to do something which was totally inappropriate.

Once the buttons had been undone John lifting himself from the bed only to move and sit behind her.

Teyla felt John's presence behind her the warmth of his body close to hers. She worked hard to control her breathing when she felt his hands reach round the front of her gently clasping the edges of the shirt pulling it back over her shoulders.

Cold air suddenly hitting her bare skin causing a chill to run down her body, but this feeling didn't last long for as the shirt continued to fall so did John's hands.

She felt the fabric slip over her shoulders and down her back. Every now and then John's fingers would touch her heated skin causing shivers of a different kind to run down her body.

Carefully one arm at a time John helped her remove the shirt completely, before long Teyla found herself sitting topless in front of him. She could feel his eyes on her back and longed for nothing more than to feel his hands on her bare skin.

John reached down beside them to retrieve Teyla's top before leaning over her shoulder guiding the right arm into the right hole. Teyla close her eyes at the feel of his breath on her neck, a small sigh escaping her lips.

John must have heard her because just as he was about to pulled the top up her arms to cover her body he froze. Teyla could hear his breathing increase, his hands shaking lightly ... the tension which had formed becoming even thicker.

"I'm sorry about Dr. Hewston" John spoke, breaking the moment between them as his hands once again began to work; now lacing up the back of her top. Going slowly to make sure he did it correctly his fingers unable to avoid brushing her skin. "Elizabeth told me you two were close."

"We were." Teyla spoke the sudden pain of another friend lost filling her soul. "We had just finished a sparring season and were talking about ..." Teyla caught herself. Now was not the time to inform John of her feelings for him. "I had forgotten my …" she paused as the emotions became too much "if I had not returned to the gym I would have ..."

John heard Teyla's voice catch in her throat at the sudden realisation of exactly how close she had been to dying began to sink in. The thought did not escape Johns mind either.

Elizabeth had told him that Teyla and Dr. Hewston had arranged a sparring session when she'd cancelled their lunch plans. But John had not realised that a few seconds more and the tumour inside the doctor would have exploded with Teyla standing right next to her. Judging by the size of the explosion there was no way Teyla would have survived.

"I didn't know her every well." John admitted

"She was a good friend, like ..." Teyla choked unable continue. "A few more seconds and I would ..."

"Teyla stop." John interrupted her. He couldn't deal with the thought of nearly loosing her not now; losing Carson was bad enough but if Teyla had died ... John didn't want to think about it.

"John .."

"It didn't happen Teyla." he whispered the lacing of her top forgotten as he leaned forward resting his head on her shoulder. "You are here ... and you're alive."

"But others are not ... Carson is not."

John moved sliding around her still form until he was kneeling on the floor in front of her, he could see the tears had begun once again as she refused to meet his gaze.

"Teyla look at me." but still she did not. "Teyla please" John placed his fingers under her chin lifting it until her eyes finally meet with his.

"I feel ... I ..." But Teyla couldn't say the words.

John felt tears forming in his own eyes but he willed them away, he wanted to stay strong for Teyla ... he needed to stay strong for her.

"We're going to get through this." John told her cupping her face in his hands. "Its going to be hard, and its going to hurt like hell but we'll get through I promise."

"You are so strong ... I can not seem to ..." Again emotions took control forcing her to stop mid-sentence.

"Jesus Teyla I'm not strong believe me, I'm dying inside just like you I've just had more practice at hiding it. Loosing Carson it's ..." John searched for the right words. "Loosing Carson it's like loosing a brother." Still cupping Teyla's face John felt the first tear escape his eyes.

"John .."

"Shhh." gently resting his fingers over Teyla lips silencing her.

"I'm not good with talking about my feelings I never have been." He admitted. "And I hate the fact that instead of feeling sad ... I feel guilty."

"John ... there is nothing you could have done." She insisted but John could only shake his head. How could he make Teyla understand; how could he make her see.

"That's not the reason I feel guilty Teyla." Yes he wished he could go back and do things differently who didn't? But John knew those kind of thoughts only caused more pain. "It hasn't hit me yet and as I said before I'm not looking forward to it when it does, and if I could change things I would but I know I can't"

"John."

"I feel guilty Teyla because a part of me is happy." He saw the look of confusion cross her face.

"I do not understand."

"You said it your self" His eyes locking with her. "If you hadn't headed back to the gym you'd have been ..."

"John" Teyla stopped him, tears stained her checks and John knew his own did the same to his.

"I don't know what I would do if I had lost you Teyla, we put our lives on the line every day but..." His eyes dropped from hers emotions finally getting the better of him as he felt the flood gates open.

"John" Teyla insisted slipping on to the floor in front of him. He saw her wince in pain and his hands went to her hips trying to help relieve some of the pressure as she moved. Now her hands cupped his face and John could feel the softness of her fingers against his skin as he lost himself in her eyes. "You have not lost me ... I am here."

They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity neither wanting nor willing to move.

John's hands left her hips coming to rest on top of hers as they continued to cup his face.

Slowly John lend closer towards Teyla, he saw her eyes slowly flutter close moments before his lips pressed against her in a soft kiss.

His tongue slid past her lips as he deepening the kiss, all his thoughts seemed to disappear from his mind; all that matter to him at that moment was Teyla.

Teyla could taste the salty tears on his lips; could feel his smooth skin under her hands and the love which seemed too radiant from his being with that one powerful kiss.

There was no urgency, no clashing of bodies or roaming of hands. This kiss wasn't about that. It was about love, caring, the understanding that no matter what happened they would be there for each other; helping each other through.

Slowly they pulled part both knowing that now wasn't the time or the place. John's eyes locked with hers and Teyla could feel his fingers rubbing away her tears.

"We should leave soon." He whispered slowly standing and helping her to her feet. A small pain once again shot through her side but by now Teyla was beginning to get use to it.

"I must change." Suddenly realising that her top remained half undone and she still wore the infirmary's trousers. "Will you help me?" She asked hesitantly

"Always" John smiled placing one more soft kiss on her lips before moving round behind her to continue lacing her top.

Teyla knew that the next few weeks, even months were going to be hard. The lost of Carson had hit everyone deeply and it would take a long time before things around Atlantis returned to some normality.

She knew her relationship with John was changing; they needed to talk, tell each other how they felt; what that wanted.

Both knew that time would come soon enough; right now all they could do was help each other to heal and mourn the passing of a truly dear friend.

Authors Note: Just a little one off story I decided to do, in fact it was bugging me so much it put me off writing my other fic "Off Allies or Enemies." So I decided to write it.

I remember when I watched the episode that once they left the infirmary Teyla could hardly move so there was no way she'd have been able to change in time. This was just my take on what I though could of happened in that time,

I hope you like it.

Please let me know what you think. As usually I've check through a couple of time but I can never find my own mistakes so there are probably quite a few. I apologise please just ignore them the best you can.

Next Chapter for "of Allies and Enemies" should be up in a day or two just need to do some final checking and it will be finished so please look out for that.

Hope you like the story thank you for reading it.

Love

Flea

xxx


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